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Toby Dawn’s Empty Backpack

By
Tom Deighan
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Nothing makes my lifelong friend and childhood hero, Toby Dawn McIntyre, happier than the start of school, so happy that I always thought he would make a great teacher, but he insists that the summer vacations are too short. Each year he brings me a backpack full of zany school supplies. I never know when or where he will show up, I just know he will somehow interrupt my peace and quiet when I least expect it. This year, he appeared in my backyard as I relaxed on my back porch. “School starts next week, Tommy Boy!” I rolled my eyes as he approached.   

After the last two years, anything normal is welcomed, even Toby Dawn, so I was happy to see my friend. Last year, it was full of Batman masks and hand-sanitizer, so I never really know what to expect. He has brought me everything from an Alf lunchbox to a giant crayon, and one year, he dumped out an entire backpack full of paper clips. Every single one was interlocked with another, which illustrates not only his excitement for school but also his endless joy in aggravating me. I would never admit it to Toby, but I was excited to see what he brought. This year’s backpack was empty, however. 

“I have been thinking,” he said, which are dangerous words for Toby, “that all we needed back in the day were a few Big Chief Tablets, some fat pencils, and crayons.”  I carefully inspected the backpack, for Toby is known for surprises, but it really was empty. “Nowadays, schools already have too much to handle, but on top of it all, you have the COVID . . . again!”  I sighed, a little uncertain about where Toby was headed. “So this year, I knew there was nothing I could bring you. There are no answers. No magic bullets.”  

Toby was right. Once upon a time, back-to-school was simple, and after the last two years, everyone hoped that this year would be normal. Unfortunately, people are now afraid that this year may be even more chaotic than ever. Almost on cue, COVID has reared its ugly head just in time to revive all the anxiety, pressure, and uncertainty. It can be overwhelming for anxious staff and parents, and it is downright disheartening for students. They just want a normal year. 

Before we worry or give up, however, let’s remember that most schools in Oklahoma managed to stay open last year. The studies that many of us relied upon last summer when we decided to open also proved true here: there was very little spread in schools. We went into the year uncertain, but we took those first tentative steps in hope. We decided locally that in-person learning was best, and we would take it day-by-day, keeping school open until it was no longer safe or possible to do so. We had no vaccine and very few treatments last year, but somehow, by the Grace of God, we made it. God willing, we will do so again this year. 

“This backpack is empty this year so you can fill it up, Tom.” I cannot remember Toby ever calling me anything but Tommy Boy. “And at the end of this school year, I expect it to be packed with joyous memories after a full year of school. Because one way or another, I know your schools will once again unite, and once again you will decide together how to serve our children and this community.”  With those words, my tall red-headed friend quietly walked out of my backyard. And somehow, that empty backpack filled my heart. Yes, we are once again facing an uncertain school year, but we are facing it together, and whatever comes our way, we will face it for our kids. And just like Toby Dawn, I am confident that the fear and uncertainty bubbling up this week cannot be compared to the joy set before us this school year. We will figure this out, again, Oklahoma!

Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com You may read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com

Drowning Ducks and First Day Jitters

By
Tom Deighan
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Earlier this week, I thoroughly confused DPS staff with this story about drowning ducks. As young newlyweds, my wife and I visited a lake for the afternoon, and I saw a couple of ducks badgering another duck. The poor little guy could barely hold its head out of the water, so in my most manly voice I squealed, “Renee!  They’re drowning him. Save him!”  Renee immediately sprang into action, but on the way to save that duck, she slipped in the mud, ruining her brand-new white Reeboks. Of course, the duck was fine, but I shared this story to illustrate two important principles:

First principle: When someone relies on you to be calm, and you panic, they will abandon all reason and run into a lake to save a drowning duck. 

Second principle: Ducks don’t drown easily, so don’t be too quick to run into the lake and ruin your Reeboks, even when your crazy husband is screaming. (On the other hand, when ducks really do start drowning, it’s serious!)  

We hoped for a normal school year, but like clockwork, COVID once again reared its ugly head, and this year may be more uncertain than ever. The urge to panic is real, but I want to be sure the ducks are drowning this time before I send her into the lake to ruin another pair of Reeboks.

Yes, we face uncertainty again, but we have been on this road for some 500 days. I cannot make sense of dueling narratives on the news channels, but I know we kept schools safely open last year, and we did this without a vaccine. We also saw relatively little spread last year in the schools, like the studies we reviewed last summer. The State quarantined a lot of healthy people, but we rarely ever had 50 or more confirmed positive cases in our schools at any given time, even at the peak. Despite quarantining over 2,500 students and staff last year, we managed to keep school open safely. So far, quarantines have not resumed.

If last year is our guide, and we do not send healthy people home to quarantine, this is more manageable than last year. If last year is our guide, we will see very limited spread in schools. If last year is our guide, without vaccines, then we are better prepared to face this year. If last year is our guide, we are some hard-to-drown ducks!  Nevertheless, we do not have the same options we had last year. We also have more people in our buildings. This year certainly could be worse, much worse, so we should be ready. 

We will not panic, however, because ducks rarely drown. We will do what is necessary to keep DPS staff and students safe. If necessary, we will close schools. If necessary, we will go virtual. If necessary, we will limit visitors and events. And if necessary, we might even go rogue because when ducks everywhere are drowning, all options must be on the table. But let’s not ruin our white Reeboks just yet, for we are nowhere near the COVID peak we saw last year. The most important thing we can do right now is to stay home if sick. That is our first and most important line of defense. 

Our students rely on us parents and educators for reassurance and certainty. COVID is real, and it is deadly, but we have 500 days of past COVID perspective. We know more and have more tools than we did last year. Yes, the Delta and the other dozen variants may truly upend everything, and if so, we will respond accordingly. We cannot panic, however, for if we panic, our students have no hope of a normal school year. Trust me, when ducks start drowning, I will be the first one screaming, but until then, let’s keep our Reeboks dry. Above all, please stay home when sick, and please continue to pray for the safety of our schools this second Sunday of the month.  

Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com You may read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com

Watch out for Post-COVID Stress Disorder

By
Tom Deighan
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After a year of being locked up, masked up, and hyped up, things are actually looking up. Since Spring Break, COVID cases have dropped precipitously in schools and across Oklahoma. People are starting to travel and go to places like the movies for the first time since this started. Summer even looks like it might be somewhat normal; we might even have fireworks for the Fourth!  COVID-free skies certainly seem to be ahead, but that does not mean this ordeal is behind us because in addition to being locked up, masked up, and hyped up – a lot of emotions are also pent up. As a result, we are starting to see fireworks much earlier than usual as we look forward to summer.

When I worked as an EMT, I remember panicked people arriving at the hospital behind the ambulance. Fear and concern consumed each of them, and often, someone was able to relieve their fears quickly. Curiously enough, this good news did not always produce relief and joy in them. Sometimes, upon discovering that everyone was safe, the fireworks really started! Sometimes they exploded in tears and sometimes in rage over the smallest thing. I remember an otherwise rational man shattering a hospital snack machine over a stuck bag of chips. We got free snacks that night, but I also learned that we never really know how traumatic experiences will affect us, so we need to be ready for unexpected emotions as COVID ends.

After a year of helplessness, we are all starting to sense a little hope, but fuses are shorter than ever. Regardless of which side of this thing you have been on, it has been stressful. People have lived in constant fear for almost a year – fear for their health, fear for their loved ones, fear for their livelihoods, and fear for their nation. Add an unbelievably contentious Presidential election and the politicization of virtually every aspect of life, and we are all walking powder kegs. Most people quietly endured it by focusing on their families and friends, but many of us are starting feel this pent-up pressure. I think it is due to Post-Covid Stress Disorder. (Disclaimer: I am not a real doctor.)

Initially, I thought I coined this term, but I Googled it, and sure enough, it is a real thing. After this long year of stress, uncertainty, and helplessness, people are suffering the lingering effects of the COVID age. Just when things are looking up and people have some room to relax, terrible feelings start bubbling up. The interweb is replete with videos of people losing it over the smallest things in the strangest places. Road rage has been replaced by COVID rage. Sadly, these people are as surprised as the people around them, because pent-up emotions can explode at the most inconvenient times and in the strangest ways. People rarely walk away feeling better, even if you get free snacks. It can happen to anyone, so if you haven’t had a COVID moment at some point during all of this, get ready. It might just sneak up on you when you least expect it. 

Fuses are short right now, and short fuses produce quick explosions. It can happen at the drive-thru, at the grocery store, at work, or even online if we are not careful. As this school year winds down, I hope everyone can recognize all the stress we have been carrying around. Our school has managed to stay open all year, safely, but it certainly was not easy. We did not always agree, but by the grace of God it looks like we are going to make it.  Likewise, across our state, most schools were open. Most parents were able to go to work. Most businesses stayed open. As Oklahomans, we are truly blessed. 

For these remaining few days of school and the summer ahead, please be extra kind and extra patient with everyone, so we can save the fireworks for the Fourth of July. May we all continue to intentionally extend grace to each other as we finish this long journey, no matter how long it takes, so our children can learn how to finish strong, even when strong emotions so easily beset us.    

Tom Deighan is a public educator and currently serves as Superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com

A Simple Academic Vision

By
Tom Deighan
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Through the years, I have read volumes of academic visions containing indecipherable educational jargon that seems to create more questions than answers.  (Unfortunately, I have also produced my fair share as well!)  Yet, I have rarely seen any succinct academic visions for Pk-12 education through the elementary, middle, and high school levels.  Education is an infinitely complex journey, but the challenge of a long journey has never stopped anyone from starting with a simplistic road map. Likewise, I think we need more clarity in education about progression from elementary to high school.  Like a long road trip across the country, we need to know our destination, and we need to know which way to turn at Albuquerque.  Below is a simple academic vision for PK-12 education:        

At the elementary level, each grade will foster high character, healthy relationships, and strong morals as evidenced through personal accountability.  Mastery of essential academic skills and facts necessary to succeed at the next grade level will be the primary focus for all students, with reading and math literacy always taking precedence.   Mastery of reading and math skills will be further evidenced in their application through writing and speaking about science, history, civics, and other academic subjects. Graphic and performing arts will enrich and support academic growth.  Physical education and unstructured play will be incorporated as essential components of childhood and necessary to learning. 

At the middle level (middle schools and junior highs), mastery of elementary skills will be expected upon entry, and if necessary, students will be rigorously remediated until mastery of essential academic skills necessary for middle level coursework can be evidenced.  High moral character and behavior are expectations as students grow and mature socially. Middle level coursework will provide deeper exploration of distinct academic subjects. Students will support results and conclusions with evidence, facts, and logical discourse through written and oral communication.  Graphic and performing arts will support deeper understanding of history and culture through artistic expression.  Health/physical education, athletic competition, and extra-curricular participation will be promoted for all students.   Pre-college and pre-career diagnostics will provide students and parents with insight regarding possible career paths as they prepare for high school.

Finally, high schools will be structured as college and career preparation centers that foster strong social connections.  All academics, programs, and discipline will prepare students to enter the workforce, to further their education, and to be productive community members.  College and career readiness assessments will guide all academic instruction.  Whenever possible, students will be challenged to address real-world academic, civic, and business issues within a given field and model professional behavior.  Highest evidence of proficiency will be demonstrated through written and oral communication, artistic expression, professional experiences (internships/mentorships), and concurrent enrollment.  Participation in extra-curricular activities is affirmed as an essential component of students’ growth. Every student will graduate, and every student will graduate with college or career experience.

As a career educator, I wonder if we have unnecessarily complicated the educational process.  Oversimplification is certainly not the answer, but in an increasingly complex and divisive world, parents, students, and educators need to identify their common ground and shared expectations regarding education.  In my experience, when they are given that chance, they will agree much more than they disagree, and when they disagree, they will do so with tolerance and dignity. Perhaps my little academic vision is imperfect, but that’s ok if it will begin crucial conversations to rediscover the role and nature of schools.  

Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com  You may read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com

Muddy Bottom Blues and Open Schools

By
Tom Deighan
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In “Muddy Bottom Blues,” the modern Delta Blues artist Tab Benoit describes what it’s like to get stuck in a shallow, muddy swamp, when it’s “too soft to walk, too hard to swim.”  To make it worse, swamps are full of alligators waiting for night fall, when the moonlight glints faintly in their reptilian cornea. You got the muddy bottom blues: “That gator eye on me . . . that gator eye on me . . .”  

Schools that decided to stay open this year certainly experienced a long, hard year with gators always close by. Fear and uncertainty. Conflicting science and dueling experts. Pro-maskers and anti-maskers. Changing guidelines. Kaleidoscope maps. A face full of swamp gas in every email and social media post. A constant battle between drowning or being trapped. CDC and NIH and OSDE and OSDH and OMG!  

Every public-school staff member and board member who committed to in-person learning slogged through this daily all year. But it was no easier for parents or students, either. Would we close at Labor Day or Fall Break or Christmas Break or be ready for the surge after Spring Break?  On top of this, they had the quarantines. 

Through all this, schools that stayed open felt like the exception, alone in a swamp at nightfall. Whichever news source you choose for daily affirmation, the topic of crisis schooling with kids isolated behind screens served both sides of the narrative well. Honestly, it seemed like the system incentivized schools to close and penalized schools who fought to stay open. Barely any attention was given to districts who made the other hard choice. Despite the inconvenient fact that most schools in Oklahoma were open all year or only closed temporarily, we all felt “stuck on muddy ground . . . that gator eye on me.”

Nevertheless, districts that stubbornly refused to close did not do so out of ignorance or for political reasons. On the contrary, by July of last year, the “science” was pretty clear regarding the low risks of transmission in schools as evidenced in studies of schools in Switzerland, China, New South Wales, France, and Germany. Similar studies also determined that the risk of outdoor transmission was almost nil. Despite the swamp gas, in schools that remained open, educators, parents, and our school board slogged through these issues on a local level, focused on our kids’ and communities’ needs. Our kids needed school; parents needed to work; businesses needed to open. We cussed and discussed, as Okies do, and we figured this out. Local hospitals, departments of health, and emergency management all helped.  None of us ever agreed completely on any particular detail except one: school must be open. Everyone pulled together, and somehow, by the grace of God, we all emerged from the swamp.  Seniors graduated!  You made it, so congratulations! 

And what about those muddy bottom blues?  Washed away by tears of joy. Those gator eyes?  Handbags and boots. The swamp gas of Facebook and cable television remains, however, so don’t light a match just yet!  As hard as it was, I have heard from many in districts who went virtual, and they seem to have been miserable. As tough as this was, it was worth it for communities who kept school open. We got muddy, but we definitely made the right choice. We made the decisions locally, and we made them together. We should all rejoice to be Oklahomans, where schools and our economy could reopen. 

As your local educators, however, we are most honored and blessed, for you trusted us with your children, and you crawled through this swamp, too, despite all the gators. We all put on a brave face, for courage is not the absence of fear but rather moving ahead despite the fear. Thank you for courageously making this school year possible, and for our own local versions of “The Muddy Bottom Blues” all over this Great State.  Enjoy a well-deserved summer!

Tom Deighan is a public educator and currently serves as Superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com

Adult-Ready Graduates

By
Tom Deighan
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This is second in a series of ten summertime articles mapping the common ground upon which parents, educators, and communities can unite regarding one of the most divisive topics in America: public education. 

Over my career, I have shared the stage with thousands of graduates, and I invariably run into a few after graduation. One encounter at the local athletic store stands out because it was the very next morning. He introduced himself, and we made some small talk about the ceremony, but finally, he just blurted it out, “I don’t know what to do!”  Such is the AHA! moment of graduation. 

Many students graduate with a plan of some sort, but many others live so passionately in adolescence that adulting sneak attacks them as they step onto the stage for their diploma, and they can barely walk. All graduates feel the weight of “What are you going to do after graduation?”  It’s already a ton of bricks, so they really don’t need the constant reminder. (As if we all had a plan when we were eighteen!)

Parents feel the same way, so it is a moment of truth for them both. Parents invariably wonder if they prepared their children, and the newly minted graduates invariably wish they had paid more attention. Despite all our talk of generation gaps, none exists at this moment when both parents and graduates see the entire PK-12 educational assembly line with crystal clarity, and they realize that public schools are the most ambitious of factories: adult factories. 

Of course, we extol the virtue of learning, the passion of the arts, and the thrill of competitions. We love the fun stuff, endure the hard stuff, and cuss the crazy stuff. Ultimately, however, graduates are our final product, and every parent and every child want the same outcome from that factory: functioning adulthood. Over the years, I have described this many ways, from college and career ready to career-bound citizens, but whatever we call it, we need adult-ready graduates. 

Definitions of adult-ready vary greatly from child to child and from family to family, but parents and educators agree on the essentials more than they disagree. I suppose the 80/80/80 rule – 80% of parents and 80% educators agree on 80% of educational issues – applies to kids as well. No one has better clarity on this topic than a recent graduate or their parent because when we backward design school from graduation, education is a much simpler process. Remarkably, we can generally agree on a few core essentials.

Every child needs to graduate ready to enter the adult world to the best of their abilities. They may further their education, get a job, enter the military, or start a business, but they need to be ready for those next steps. They also need to be good neighbors who can fulfill their civic duties. They often kick and scream during the manufacturing process, but upon graduation, these things suddenly matter. More are ready than not because all that nagging from teachers and parents bubbles up just when they need it. If previous generations could pull it together, this generation can, too. (We were a hot mess back in the day, and we know it.)

And as for that terrified young man?  Our discussion occurred at the athletic store where he had worked through high school, and I knew that any kid who shows up to work the morning after graduation would be fine. I eventually lost track of him, but he stepped into adulthood as we all did, with a little fear and trembling, and he figured it out. I have no doubt he is successful, perhaps even preparing to place his own children on the educational assembly line, wondering who they will be when they grow up. The simplest answer, from whatever perspective, is simple: an adult. Just imagine what our public schools could accomplish if we could start where we agree and work backwards to ensure graduates are truly adult-ready. If you doubt it is that simple, just ask a recent graduate.  

Tom Deighan is a public educator and currently serves as Superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com

Feeding the Smartphone Pig

By
Tom Deighan
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A few years ago, miniature pigs were all the rage.  Unfortunately, many people couldn’t tell the difference between a normal and a miniature pig, and many entrepreneurial farm kids took advantage of the market.  It didn’t take people long to realize they had been swine-dled, however, for pigs can exceed 250 pounds in six months.  Just imagine your surprise when your little Piglet turns out to be a full-grown Pooh Bear.  Oh, bother!

During the pandemic, we unwittingly invited a similar beast into our homes: the 24/7 Digital Pig.  What started as a convenient smartphone has since grown into a 500-pound feral boar.  Zoom pigs, email pigs, and social media pigs already devoured our lives before the pandemic, but I am not sure we can feed these monsters anymore.  With COVID hopefully waning, maybe it’s time to send this digital piggy to the market.

Remember when computers were supposed to simplify our lives?  Enhanced communications would enrich our relationships.  Technology would declutter our schedules, so we could focus on the people and activities that mattered.  Less stress, less worry, more sleep.  We would even use less paper.  Smartphones were supposed to tie it all up into one cuddly package. Those crafty country kids on the side of the road lied to us! 

We now navigate giant piles of digital clutter (the piglet and Pooh jokes write themselves!).  We even use more paper than ever before. I measure cash register receipts by the foot now, which simply adds insult to injury after self-checking and self-paying.  I missed the training, so I have discovered that not all apples are coded equally. I complained to customer service, but it is self-service, too. Now it’s just a giant mirror and a frustrated bald guy holding a bag of ridiculously expensive honey-crisp apples. 

Unfortunately, all these so-called technological conveniences have crept into education, too.  After the pandemic, we learned that 24/7 instruction, feedback, parent-teacher conferences, and tutoring were all possible and necessary. Online learning has its place, but for most educators, parents, and students, learning is as social as cerebral.  More collaborative than computerized.  Some students and teachers thrive in a virtual world, but most of us hated it, especially when given an option.  

We are now starting to reclaim some normalcy, and virtual school at 2 AM and weeks of quarantines are less necessary, so why are we still feeding this smartphone hog?  Between social media, texts, emails, and midnight snacks, I don’t know how anyone gets any sleep. Families are more exhausted than ever, and I believe it is partly due to the cute little piglet that turned into a 24/7 digital nightmare.  

Families need downtime.  We need to reclaim our nights and weekends (or whenever you can catch a moment of rest). The 24/7 digital pig has gobbled up every spare minute, and what once helped us cope with the pandemic has become our tusked overlord. Life is already hectic enough; we don’t need work and school dominating our homes and family times any more than it already does. 

Unfortunately, this 24/7 digital pig will never go away.  We cannot butcher it, but we can put it in a pen where it belongs.  Social media, texts, and emails will still be there in the morning, and somewhere among those apps is an actual phone, so someone can call you if it’s important. Parents, students, and educators need a break from the digital monster we have created over the last two years.  Let’s unplug, log-off, and disconnect more.  Trust me, no matter how much that 24/7 digital pig squeals the world won’t end if we ignore it occasionally.  And if anyone is thinking of buying a cute little mini pig, consider a layaway plan.  If the little guy adds 40 pounds in a month, you don’t have a pet; you have a pork dinner, and it’s really hard to find a sparkly phone case for one of those.   

Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. Email: deighantom@gmail.com  Past articles: www.mostlyeducational.com

A Tale of Two Sprout Farmers

By
Tom Deighan
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Once upon a time, there were two farmers. One farmer was very old, and one farmer was very young. The old farmer lived alone on her farm after her husband had passed away, and they had no children together. The young farmer inherited the neighboring farm unexpectedly, and immediately made a home there with his young wife and several small children. The old farmer welcomed her new neighbors with fresh vegetables, jars of jelly, and eggs from her henhouse. They became instant friends. 

Very shortly after moving in, the young farmer shared his plans to get the farm producing as soon as possible. “I will grow bean sprouts!” he exclaimed proudly. “No other crop grows faster!”  Within days, the beans sprouted, and the old farmer was genuinely impressed. Before long, the ambitious young farmer could barely keep up, harvesting thousands of pounds of bean sprouts each week. The old lady helped every day with the children and small chores. They grew to love her very much, and she cherished every minute with the young family.

One day, the old farmer did not visit, so the young farmer checked on her at her small farm which connected to his land along a creek bank. Thankfully, he found her happily packing fresh dirt around the base of a sapling behind her house. Fallow fields that had not been cultivated for years surrounded her quaint home, and it was clear that she had no interest in crops since her husband passed. The only vestiges of a farm that remained were her well-tended garden and her beloved chickens which she introduced by name. The old farmer and the young farmer sipped lemonade and discussed grandiose plans for bean sprouts.            

In the coming days, the old farmer still visited regularly, but she no longer stayed as long, “I have important work to do!” she declared as she dropped off fresh eggs, pickles, or warm bread. Very soon thereafter, she died, leaving her small estate to the young farmer and his wife, much to their surprise. On their first visit to the old farmer’s place after her death, they could not believe what they saw. Rows upon rows of young trees had been planted in her final days. Neat labels identified fruit and nut trees of every variety. Within time, the young farmer learned that the old lady had been diagnosed with terminal illness before his arrival, and one day while sorting through her papers, they discovered correspondence with her attorney. She had given a child up for adoption over fifty years ago, before getting married to her husband, and when her husband died, she began searching. Her daughter was dead, but she had one grandson to whom the old lady anonymously gave most of her farm. She kept only the hired hands’ quarters and a few acres across the creek for herself. 

In the coming years, all those trees the old farmer planted blossomed into beautiful groves that sustained the young farmer’s family and countless others. His children returned to establish families of their own on the land, and his grandchildren played in their shade, picked their fruit, and gathered their nuts. He retired very comfortably, deeply satisfied and thankful for the life he lived harvesting seeds as soon as they sprouted. But not a day passed without marveling at his grandmother who anonymously sowed herself as a seed into his life and planted trees she would never see mature. As his great-grandchildren began to be born, the bean sprout farmer became a tree farmer as well, knowing he would never smell the blossoms, taste the fruit, or enjoy the cool shade of the trees he planted. Like his grandmother before him, the old farmer invested in children he would never know and who would never know him. And the last of his days were happier than the first.  

Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. You may email him at  deighantom@gmail.com and read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com

The Pre-Eminence of Wal-Mart Parents

By
Tom Deighan
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Somewhere around the age of 2 or 3, children try to leverage pressure on their parents in public. I call those the Wal-Mart years, when children test us with fits, tantrums, and other tactics whenever they have an audience.  The goal is to get what they want, be it a toy or candy, but the larger goal is determining who’s boss, and it doesn’t just happen among toddlers.  I have a friend who admits to losing it in the cereal aisle when her child threw a tantrum during one hectic trip to the store.  She raised her voice, grabbed her child by the arm, and corrected him sternly right there in the store.  She never hurt her child, but it was enough of a scene that a concerned bystander scolded the mom and told her just to give the kid the cereal he wanted. Before the mom could respond to the stranger, her kid popped off, “Mind your own business, lady, or my mom will kick your butt!”  

The lady in this story is a great Mom, but everyone loses it in Wal-Mart eventually.  It does not make someone a bad parent, and kids rarely lose love for parents who correct them.  This is even true when the relationship is not perfect.    Even more remarkable, when the parent is derelict or abusive, however, children will still often defend them with a loyalty that defies logic.  That’s the power of the parent-child bond, and educators know that anyone who dares get between a child and a parent does so at extreme peril.  And when I say parents, I am referring to the caring adults in children’s lives who nurture their education. That role is often filled by someone who is not the biological father or mother.  Every child who has such an adult parenting their education is generally ready for school.    

Educators whom I respect hold the parent-child relationship as sacrosanct, for we know that it is an unbreakable bond. Parents are the preeminent influence in children’s lives.  Teachers know that their jobs are infinitely easier when the parent supports their child’s education, even in the smallest measures.  An educator can never replace the parent as the most important influencer or educator. We can often only enhance and support.  If a parent resists or devalues education or holds hostile feelings toward the teacher, educators struggle, often in vain, to overcome that child’s resistance to learning. On the other hand, when a parent participates or even tacitly supports in the simplest of ways like checking on their children’s grades online, that child enters the classroom with a tremendous advantage.  

Educators assist the parents, but we can never usurp, override, undermine, or replace the roles or responsibilities of a parent.  Contrary to the extreme examples we may see in the news, virtually all educators know that the power of a parent is unparalleled.  It is first biological, which is almost impossible to overcome, and then it is based on simple time and relationship. Think about it, children spend about 15% of their time each year in school, and they get new teachers every year.  The remainder is under parent or guardian supervision, year after year. (There are 8760 hours in a year, and children only spend 1260 hours in school, which is about 15% of their lives: 7 hours each day X 180 days = 1260 hours.) 

Educators assist parents, and I know educators who can help children overcome overwhelming obstacles, even those children who are unsupported in their education, but no educator can completely replace a caring, attentive, and invested adult in the home.  That’s why parents will always be the most important educators, and nearly all educators honor this parental role in a child’s life, especially during the challenging years!  Wal-Mart parents unafraid to correct their children in public are our heroes, for they are making our jobs much easier. Thank you for being the most important educators.

Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. You may email him at  deighantom@gmail.com and read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com

Swimming in the Piranha Fishbowl

By
Tom Deighan
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0

Historically, certain professions accepted the reality of living in a “fish bowl.”  Politicians, pastors/ministers, school leaders, and city leaders all signed up for this in some measure.  People in private-sector leadership understand the fishbowl, too, due to social media, as do teachers, law enforcement, and healthcare workers. Swimming in the fishbowl is not just for high-profile leaders anymore.  Nowadays, anyone can find themselves in the public fishbowl, but in the COVID Era, the fishbowl is now full of piranhas. And if you or someone you love has ever been piranha’d, you need no definition.  Find a leader in a fishbowl, add piranhas.  

Many of us signed up for life in the fishbowl, but in the social media age, anyone can unexpectedly take a swim.  No matter who you are or how you found your fishbowl, no one is truly ready for it.  The stress on your family, relationships, and health can be overwhelming under normal circumstances, but add a few piranhas, and life in the fishbowl has become a blood sport. Without warning and without cause, anyone (literally anyone) can be attacked with a thousand tiny bites while the public watches on.

Consequently, joyful jobs like coaching or volunteer positions like school board and city council are rapidly becoming less joyful. Modern technology has devolved into something medieval. Decent people are now publicly piranha’d simply for having a different perspective, a different philosophy, or a deeply held conviction. People are demonized simply because of their profession, titles or labels.  A snap of the jaws, a little blood in the water, and a feeding frenzy. 

When we interject national political vitriol into our homes, churches, schools, and communities, people become caricatures and symbols.  Symbols become targets. Ideas become weaponized, and decent people become dehumanized.  Consequently, piranhas are tossed into our schools and churches and neighborhoods. Before we allow anyone else to be piranah’d, we must remember that these are real people with families, jobs, and dreams.  They are our neighbors. Our doctors and nurses. Our pastors and principals.  

Do people’s titles, positions, or political parties make them more or less human?  Do we really believe local board members and city council members are evil?  Your local teachers are radicals?  Healthcare workers are trying to hurt people? Parents are terrorists? Do we really believe this about each other? 

We may never see our statewide or national discourse return to civility, but at the local levels, we can restore decency by recognizing each other as people, not as symbols. Your local “fishbowl” leaders are often simply volunteers; they do not deserve to be demonized.  People working in the fishbowl do not always deserve praise, but they don’t deserve to be constantly piranha’d, either. 

Our children are watching, and how we treat each other as adults teaches them volumes about our world.  Our little Mayberry can either nullify or affirm the world’s ugliness. We can model true tolerance – accepting people even when we do not agree with them – or they can see a world full of bloody fishbowls, where our online profiles or likes determine our worth as people. 

National civility will never be restored until we restore it locally, in our own communities, our own churches, and our own neighborhoods.  We must model it for our children, whether online or in person, and maybe what starts locally could spread statewide and infect our whole nation.  Make no mistake, however, it starts in our own fishbowls, and it starts with us. Enough of us have the scars, so we know what to look for. Let’s no longer permit colleagues and neighbors to be piranha’d. Sure, it may still happen in faraway places, but not in our local fishbowls. Not in our Mayberries.    

Tom Deighan is superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. You may email him at  deighantom@gmail.com and read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com

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