The shadowy silhouette of a vulture drifts across Main Street under the hot sun. Saloon doors from opposite sides of the town square swing shut behind two strangers as the church bell tolls high noon. Children crook their necks, hoping to see some action, as their parents pull them away. Then, the slow walk begins. Tiny billows of fine dust swirl around the strangers’ boots with every deliberate step. As if on cue, both stop and slowly lift the hammer loops from their pistols. Now it’s just a matter of who blinks first . . .
But it’s Oklahoma, and the swirling wind at the center of town kicks up so much darn dust that they can hardly see. Soon, both are blinking uncontrollably and begin firing their irons indiscriminately through watery eyes. Townspeople dive behind water troughs, but soon emerge to realize that the strangers are shooting government-issue blanks. “Who are they, Mommy?” asks one child, but no one knows. They truly are strangers, sent from Capitol City to save the locals from themselves.
If you are true Okie, then you know if someone is “from around here” very quickly by a few signs. First off, they know how to pronounce the name of towns like Lookeba, Durant, and Miami. Secondly, they know not to stir up dust on a hot August day. And finally, they know that Okies don’t like to be told what to do, even if we agree. When strangers from capitol city ride into save the day in towns they cannot pronounce or have never visited before, we tend to give ‘em the old stink eye.
For better or worse, the concepts of rugged individualism and local control are ingrained in Oklahoma. We bristle at top-down solutions from Capitol City (or even Washington D.C.). For the last two years, however, our state has reverted to central planning on issues both critical and trivial. I am certain that everyone involved has the best of intentions, but I wonder if they can pronounce the name of the communities such edicts impact.
If we thought last year was difficult for schools, this year is the Wild West! Schools are currently being expected to act well beyond our scope of authority regarding public health, HIPAA, and other privacy issues while simultaneously having fewer options as gunfights erupt all around. Educators do not have the authority or expertise to diagnose or prescribe courses of action related to public or personal health issues, but we are being asked to carry the burden, nonetheless. Our local health departments are in just as tough a spot, however. Parents and staff are frustrated or downright angry. School principals and superintendents are ready to stroke out. (Honestly, I am not giving you the stink eye; it’s just a twitch.)
Perhaps the gun fights on mispronounced Main Streets in our state will continue to utilize government-issued blanks. And perhaps, like last year, townsfolk may once again get comfortable with the dust and din of dueling state agendas, but we are still too early in the school year to know for sure. Ultimately, parents and educators will continue to do what we have always done – we will figure it out and make it work, locally. We will navigate impossible and conflicting mandates to safely serve our children. We will cuss and discuss, and we may even have a few bruises, but they will be our bruises.
High-noon strangers are welcomed to help when they show up, but it’s only help if it helps, and they’d better be wary of getting between two fighting locals. I do not intend to make light of the situation, but right now, it’s either laugh or cry. Our ears are hurting, and people are a little panicked, but if last year is our guide, we will get used to the dust in our eyes and the sounds of blanks. We will figure out how to serve our children and staff safely, once again, Oklahoma, with or without the help of strangers that mispronounce places like Lake Fuqua. Be watchful, however, for a dark stranger stepping off the train from Washington . . .
Tom Deighan is currently the superintendent of Duncan Public Schools. He may be reached at deighantom@gmail.com You may read past articles at www.mostlyeducational.com
